careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I cut my penus on the lid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
