if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just blew my weed a kiss
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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