i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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