I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
