one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
