The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
