i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
