im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
