i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
