She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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