Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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