so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
