And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we should paint friendship bongs
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