Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
