Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
