Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
