Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
