five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
