My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
