So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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