nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
