i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize