I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
