just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
