Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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