Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
