I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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