brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize