why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
