Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
