I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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