meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
