i don't like sucking hair
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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