foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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