Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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