I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
