I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I supernannyed him into submission
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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