Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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