We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
