i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
