Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
