Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
