We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
