Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
