Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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