I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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