please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
