Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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