she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
