A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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