My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
