You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
