return my video game
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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