I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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