the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
