Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
