lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
