Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
