went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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