hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
