sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
