I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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