They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
