need another drink. this is the easiest way
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
