help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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