My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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