Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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