So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
