Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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