you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
