They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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